One of my favorite fictional characters is Lady Catherine de Bourgh from Pride and Prejudice. With apologies to those who are not Jane Austen fans, bear with me. Lady Catherine is such a great, larger than life character. In all the films made of this literary classic, I always look forward to seeing how she is portrayed. Her essence is summed up as officious, conceited with a sense of false humility, condescending, meddling, rude, and prideful. She is just the sort of character you want populating a novel and just the sort of character you do not want on your condo board, across the meeting table, or in charge of your book group.
The moments when Lady Catherine shines is when she is trying to orchestrate life around her – telling others where to stay on their journey, the correct way to arrange their closets, the right message to share when preaching, the correct age to marry, and most definitely the individual they should never dream of marrying. She attempts, to varying degrees of success, to dedicate her life to instructing others.
Whether or not you are familiar with Lady Catherine, I suspect by this point you have in your mind at least one person who reminds you of her. Perhaps you’ve started to think of all the ways this person pushes your buttons, irritates you, complicates decision making, confuses some, and frustrates others. We all have known at least one “Lady Catherine” in our lives.
Yet, if this type of person is so common in our lives and common to so many people, the question I find myself asking is, “Could I possibly be Lady Catherine?” It is initially slightly amusing…then awfully uncomfortable. How quick am I to offer advice without considering the tone, effect, or concerns of my listener? How often do I try to direct the course of a meeting, conversation, or workgroup the way I see to be the ‘right way,’ without considering input from others and their knowledge? How often do I let my attempts to instruct be cold recitation of facts or impersonal lectures instead of, as Julie Yacopino said on Sunday, the journey of a heart filled with love?
In the First Letter to Timothy, Paul writes, “The aim of this instruction is love from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith (1 Tm 1:5).” When we offer instruction, advice, or guidance of any sort, it is absolutely necessary to ground ourselves in love. We need to ground ourselves in love of God, God’s love, and the love for the person we are guiding.
Further, the instruction we provide needs to focus on developing a pure heart, good conscience, and strong faith in the other individual. We are not converting others to our own thoughts and beliefs. We are trying to work with the Holy Spirit to bring people more fully in relationship with and understanding of God.
How can you be more considerate of others when offering guidance, instruction, or advice?
Where might you need to accept with grace and humility the instruction or guidance of another?
When has God spoken to you through the wisdom of another?
Where might God be calling to you to grow your own understanding of faith and religion?
Jennifer Delvaux
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