Pew to Pilgrim - Bury the Dead

“Nothing can be certain except death and taxes.” Whether you think this originated in 1789 with Benjamin Franklin upon the finalization of the U.S. Constitution or with Daniel Defoe in his 1726 work, The Political History of the Devil, both offer a rather gloomy, resigned view of life, albeit a secular reality for all humans. In contrast, the Bible offers a brighter possibility of everlasting life in Heaven. Death is the moment when the physical body ceases to function, and the soul separates and goes on to face the judgement of God.

Still one of the saddest points in anyone’s life, the death of a family or friend, or even a beloved celebrity or icon causes both painful loss and blunt awareness of our own mortality. Of the many things we avoid thinking about, making plans for our own funerals probably sits at the top of most people’s lists. Yet, it is probably one of the greatest gifts we can give our families, removing one big job for them to have to deal with.

The proper burial of the dead is called for in the Old Testament Book of Tobit (1:16-18) where the Jewish tradition of caring for the bodies of those killed by King Sennacherib is described. Here we learn about the need to cherish the dead and to treat their bodies with special spices and ointments with respect so they are prepared for the Resurrection. An important part of honoring the body as a vessel for the Holy Spirit, a proper burial also shows a deep love for others, even after death.

This Corporal Act of Mercy takes a bit more effort to learn about and to discover ways to perform. One way is to research saints who lived this act as a regular part of their good works, for example, St. Catherine of Siena, Tobit, St. Dismas, St. Sebastian, St. Joseph of Arimathea, or St. Gregory the Great. Another way is to read the Book of Tobit or other passages in the scripture and reflect on the words including:

• Joshua 24:29-33
• Sirach 7:33 
• Matthew 25: 31-46
• Luke 25:53
• John 19:40

The process of burying the dead is truly a sad and difficult process for family and friends of the deceased. No matter what the circumstance, it is just the beginning of a long process of grieving. Two individuals key to this process are the funeral director and the priest, chaplain, rabbi or other clergy who acts as the funeral officiant. The latter can lead the funeral and burial service, deliver the eulogy, say prayers, greet and comfort family and friends and provide directions to attendees on the logistics of the services.

The funeral director provides both the preparation of the deceased for burial as well as the information and options for the family to finalize the funeral arrangements. The funeral director, formerly known as an undertaker, is not because he (and most are male) took the deceased underground. Rather, he was so named because he “undertakes” a task that others do not want to do.

Where can you begin? The best place as with many of the Acts of Mercy is with prayer. Begin with praying for the dying and the dead. Go to a cemetery and pray for the souls buried there. Visiting a cemetery does not have to be a morose or morbid activity. Think of it as a Garden for Rest. Many cemeteries are beautiful places with landscaped grounds, sculptures and artwork. You don’t have to know people buried there; be present and pray for those buried there.

Showing up at wakes, funeral masses and burials for someone you know or are acquainted with is not just a sign of respect but a great comfort for others. Their family will appreciate your presence and words of sympathy that go further than you can imagine. Not sure what to say to the family? Try these practical suggestions of what to do:

• Express your condolences with a simple “so sorry to hear this sad news”; it’s OK to share that you are sad as well
• Share how much you will miss the deceased; how much other friends and/or colleagues will miss him or her
• Share an anecdote or short story special to you; something that brings a smile to all who knew the deceased is often very welcome
• Tell the family how much the deceased loved and cared for the people who are left behind.
• Recall the person’s accomplishments and something special the person did for you 

Here are some additional ways to perform Bury the Dead:

• Read the book I Will Remember You; My Catholic Guide through Grief by K. Schuler and M.J. Peterson
• Send Mass Cards to family of those who have passed
• Watch and reflect on Ted Talks about Death 
• Send a card to someone who has recently lost someone; or send to someone who has lost someone in the last year to let them know you are thinking of them
• Visit the graveside of someone you couldn’t be there for when they passed – bring flowers and pray 
• Learn about the Holy Name Cathedral Bereavement Ministry – contact Julie Berggren
• Reach out to a recently widow or widower; after the initial period, they are often very lonely
• Support Catholic Cemeteries of Chicago
• Reach out to the family of someone you knew on the anniversary of their death – let the family you are thinking of them and are continuing to pray for the deceased
• Go to the cemetery to visit family and friends buried there – pray for their souls
• Get the book Talking about Death: A Dialogue between Parent and Child 
• Visit Catholic Cemeteries of Chicago and take a tour 
• Live life to the fullest – see possibilities through the eyes of someone dying: Randy Pausch Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams
• Participate in burials at Catholic Cemeteries at funerals for the indigent from Cook County Hospital
• Offer daily prayers for those who are terminally ill
• Tell your family how you would like to buried – your desired arrangements for your funeral – make advance arrangements so they don’t have to carry the burden
• Donate to non-profits to help those who cannot afford to bury their loved ones 
• Become a volunteer at a hospice

Lori Doyle and Gabi Schultz  have served as members of the Parish Pastoral Council, are active with a variety of Liturgical Ministries as Lectors, Extraordinary Ministers, Cathedral Altar Servers and Ministers of Care at Prentice Hospital/NW Hospital. Both parishioners for about 6 years, Lori loves to travel and cook and is a proud mother of her son John, a UM Wolverine. Gabi enjoys trying new restaurants, running, cooking lessons and spending time with friends and family.