Mercy Profile - Bury the Dead

A Calling to a Vocation

When my close friend of nearly twenty years, Barbara Parker, told me she was going back to school to become a funeral director, I wasn’t completely surprised. Certainly it was an unusual job choice and an encore career move, but it was clearly a calling to a vocation.

We stand in awe when someone brings their God-given talents in the service of others. One hopes to be listening when God calls you to pursue something where you are uniquely suited. This is who Barbara is for the deceased and their families.

The role of funeral director provides an important part of paying respect to the deceased and helping families start the grief process. Her role is to prepare the deceased for burial or cremation and work with the family to make a variety of decisions about the funeral arrangements. And most importantly, Barbara provides a safe and comfortable place for the family to do all of this in the midst of their sorrow.

The corporal Act of Mercy “Bury the Dead” is unique as it is the only one not specifically mentioned among the others in Matthew 25. Instead this work of mercy finds its origins in the Old Testament Book of Tobit. Per the Catechism of the Catholic Church, “The bodies of the dead must be treated with respect and charity, in faith and hope of the Resurrection. The burial of the dead is a corporal work of mercy.”

The funeral director is a licensed position in most states, requiring extensive amount of study in mortuary sciences including pathology, anatomy, chemistry as well as classes in philosophy, religious practices and business management studies. But beyond the academic rigor, there needs to be a special set of soft skills needed to successfully support the families and fulfill the need for a proper burial.

Barbara decided to become a funeral director after being exposed to the work through a friend. She had a revelation, seeing our bodies as vessels for the soul that must be treated with respect, especially in death. She realized that while the soul has departed, the process of a proper and respectful burial completed the cycle of life.

Since most people don’t leave detailed instructions for their burial, it is up to the family to make the decisions. Barbara compassionately works with them to provide information and choices. By law, it is up to the next of kin but as often happens at times of stress, other family members may weigh in with alternative points of view. It is a special person who can calmly and respectfully navigate these difficult discussions.

Barbara’s boss, Jon Levine, shared what he and his brothers saw when she interviewed for the position in their fifth-generation, 130-year old family-owned funeral home. “It was clearly a calling. This is a service business and people can tell quickly whether someone truly cares about them.” Jon went on to explain how Barbara’s personal touch brings a powerful combination of caring and reliability to a most difficult time for a family.

In discussing the stresses and joys of her job, Barbara shared the exact same words I have heard from other Season of Mercy profiles: “I get much more than I give.” “I believe this is where God wants me to be. Every day I pray to help me be present for the deceased and their families. And that I will find the wisdom to provide whatever support they need.” One part of her job continues to be a worry. “When I am driving with 50 cars behind me, I am terrified I will get lost – either on the way to the cemetery or once we enter the cemetery. But so far, with a little advance research and a lot of prayers, I have avoided that situation!” 

Lori Doyle served as the Chair of the Parish Pastoral Council and is an active member of the HNC Liturgical Ministries as a Lector, EMHC, Cathedral Altar Server and a Minister of Care at Prentice/NW Hospital.